My hilariously weird Thai Massage experience

Okay y’all. I have to tell you a funny story. 

So I woke up this morning on the sad side of the bed. I’m talking, called my best friend at 7am…and just cried in a venting session. Then called my other good friend and got some godly counsel. Then, got ready for work like nothing happened. You know…one of those kind of starts to my day.

Well, I went to work and it was a slow day. I just kept on watching the clock. You know, that kind of day.

As it got closer to time for me to get off, I kept on thinking about what I could do for myself today. Something I really like, something to relieve stress. Since wine and singing karaoke was not an immediate option, I decided to settle for a massage. 

Not just any massage…I decided to try a Thai massage for the first time.

Exciting, right? Of course!

So, I call this place that I found on Yelp. They had good reviews and luckily they accepted walk ins. It was only 8 minutes from my house so I went there. Wouldn’t have to combat traffic on my way home. 

It was really cool. Walked into a calm place, nice lady at the counter. She had me to switch my sandals for some little black slides.

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Then, she brought me some Chrysanthemum tea. I love tea, so I was like, “YAAASSSS!” 

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I sat back, relaxed and sipped my tea until it was time to be escorted to my massage room. It was a nice little room with a massage table about the size of a full sized bed. This was different from a traditional massage table. But, I expected that since I’m aware the masseuse actually gets on the table.

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There were some metal rails attached to the ceiling too…it was very “50 shades of grey-ish,” but whatever. I like to try new things.

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I undressed and laid on the bed, underwear only, and covered myself with the sheet. I put my face in the cradle and in like a minute,  I heard a soft knock on the door. I hear a lady say, “hello,” as she comes in.

It wasn’t long before she put a nice warm compress on my back. It felt awesome. She then went down to the foot end of the table where she started pressing on my legs.

Then I felt her crawl on top of the table…this is where it got interesting. 

I expected something. I expected her to stand up, maybe. I don’t know. But I was not ready when she started crawling up my legs.

Yes, it literally felt like her knees were on me…crawling. She massaged from my heels all the way up to my back as she crawled up and down my body. I was laying there trying to breathe at one point, cause she wasn’t the LIGHTEST thing ever. You know that feeling when someone hugs you too tight, yes, that feeling is what I had. As she crawled on me.

I wanted to laugh so bad. This was defintely different. I’m used to Swedish massages, very relaxing and calm. I have fallen asleep during massages before. But, the sensation of another human being CRAWLING on me was the opposite of relaxing. 

I decided to just breathe through it and enjoy.

It felt nice as she continued to massage. Don’t get me wrong.  She started to bend me around a bit, kind of in yoga positions. (I totally forgot that some refer to this as lazy yoga) I was like, “oh okay!” When she stretched my left leg over my right while I was still laying on my stomach. How relaxing…not.so.much.

She was moving so fast! Felt like I was in an advanced yoga session, holding poses for very short breaths, before moving to the next. I wanted to laugh. But, I didn’t.

She just kept going.

So then she takes the sheet off of me and asks me to roll over. Mind you, I don’t have a bra on, so I was a little hesitant to just roll over all exposed. But, when I looked up, she had her face hiding behind the sheet. I really wanted to laugh, cause it reminded me that I had not seen her face at all yet, I wasn’t even sure who was massaging me.

Why is this so funny to me?! Lol

So, I’m on my back now. She covers me back up and then puts a scented towel on my eye, it has peppermint oil on it. Smelled amazing. I breathed deep and relaxed. 

That is until she crawled on top of me again. This time she started doing the “choppy chop” on my thighs. I’m laying there like…

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So, then she comes behind me and has me sit up. She ties the sheet around me so that I’m not exposed. So now I’m sitting in a “L” position. This lady, without warning, lays on my back forcing me to lean forward , chest to knees…

Mind you, my hamstrings are mad tight! And she just lays there for a second. I can’t. Breathe! Lol 

When I sit back up, the towel falls down. Now she’s behind me massaging my shoulders and I’m just sitting there with my breast all out. 

She pats me on my shoulders and says, “Okay, all done.” Hops off the table and walks out of the room. 

Let’s just say, I don’t know if Thai massages are my style. But, it was hilarious. I had not laughed all day until I left out of there. God has a funny sense of humor. I thought I was going for a massage, I actually was going to find a smile for the day.

To bad I had to pay $65 plus gratuity for that smile. But, anyway.

Today was a good day.


6 thoughts on “ My hilariously weird Thai Massage experience

    1. Lol thank you! I’m up for trying it again somewhere else…Maybe this lady was tired or not properly trained? I don’t know lol – thanks for reading!

      Like

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